V CIA idet podgotovka treh superagentov.
        Nachalstvo reshilo proverit' loyalnost' kursantov
        agenstvu:
        Vizivaet instruktor pervogo kursanta, daet emu pistolet
        i govorit: "V etoy komnate sidit svyazannaya vasha zhena.
        Idite i zastrelite ee."
        Kursant zahodit v komnatu, vihodit cherez minutu otdaet
        pistolet i govorit chto ne mozhet zastrelit' zhenu. Ego
        uvolnyaut iz CIA.

        Vizivaet instruktor vtorogo kursanta, daet emu pistolet
        i govorit: "V etoy komnate sidit svyazannaya vasha zhena.
        Idite i zastrelite ee."
        Kursant zahodit v komnatu, vihodit cherez minutu otdaet
        pistolet i govorit chto ne mozhet zastrelit' zhenu. Ego
        tozhe uvolnyaut iz CIA.

        Vizivaet instruktor tretiego kursanta, daet emu pistolet
        i govorit: "V etoy komnate sidit svyazannaya vasha zhena.
        Idite i zastrelite ee."
        Kursant zahodit v komnatu. Iz komnati razdaetsya 6
        vistrelov. Zatem slishatsya zvuki neprodolzhitelnoy bor'bi.
        Razgoryachenniy kursant vihodit iz komnati.
        Instruktor: " Nu kak ? ".
        Kursant : " Da kakoi to mudak pistolet holostimi patronami
        zaryadil. Prishlos' pridushit' ssuku ! "

Muzhik pribegaet domoj i govorit girl-friende:
-Ya vyigral v lotereyu million! Bystro sobiraj veqi!
-TEplye ili letnie?
-I te i drugie. Ty idesh' na huj!

Pozhiloj muzhchina prihodit na regulyarnyj medosmotr.
-Na chto zhaluetes'? -sprashivaet vrach.
-Da vse horosho, tol'ko vot s polovoj zhizn'yu nebol'shie problemy. Pervyj
raz vse OK, a na vtoroj raz poteyu, kak svin'ya.
Vrach vyzyvaet zhenu, govorit, vot tak i tak, Pervyj raz vse OK, a na 
vtoroj raz potet muzh vash.
-A chto udivitel'nog: pervyj raz v yanvare, a vtoroj v iyule...
----

           Letyat v samolete Russian, French and English couples,
and the plain is going to be crashed. And in the latest moments of
their lives before the crash they wanted to now if their  wifes were
allways loyal to them. English asks his wife: Mary, ti izmenyala mne?
She says: Yes, John. "Kogda eto bilo?" "A togda kogda u menia
poyavilos norkovoe manto!" French asks his wife :"Lucy, ti izmenyala
mne? " "Da, Pier!" "Kogda eto bilo?""A togda, kogda u menia poyavilos
zemchuznoie ozerelie" Russian asks his wife:"Man'ka, b.....
 izmen'ala mne, b ... ?" "Da, Van' " "Kogda eto bilo ...b...?...""A togda
 kogda  u tebja shapka krolich'ya propala!!"

  Muzhik poekhal v komandirovku, zakhodit v kupe i vidit s verkhnej
polki svisae t izyaschnaya zhenskaya nozhka. Muzhik znakomitsya s ee
obladatel'nitsej, zavyazyv aetsya roman i on skhodit s nej na drugoj
stantsii. Prokhodit neskol'ko dnej, muzhiku nuzhno chto-to pisat' domoj,
on pishet: PODVERNULAS' NOGA LEZhU V POSTELI OBNIMAYu TsELUYu

- Papa, a pochemu babushka tak smeshno begajet po ogorodu? sprosil maljenkij mal
chik.
- Komu babushka a komu tescha... Podaj-ka mne nowuju obojmu. Otweil papa peresar
jazhaja awtomat.